Benjamin Button: Brutally Reviewed

I maybe writing this blog a little late, but I feel this is something I have to get off my chest. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button is perhaps the most terrible movie I have ever seen in my life. Serves me right for watching a movie where the producers feel that character development and plot line are more important than exciting gun fights and expensive explosions.  Only problem is the plot is slower than Lindsey Lohan and the character development was equivalent to an elementary school play.  Although I'll admit that I wasn't paying attention the whole time and at one point I left and went to another movie for about 25 minutes, my opinion still stands. I thought a movie about a person who ages backward might be interesting. I was more wrong than Obama's position on healthcare reform. Here's a list of things that would have made the movie a lot better.

  1. An ipod. Its always fun to listen to music while watching a movie to see if the words sync up with what the lip movements of the actor. 
  2. Alcohol. Not a lot, just enough to make me unable to remember a single moment of the movie.
  3. The hot lesbian scene from the book that they happened to leave out. 
  4. Tweak the plot a little. Instead of it being about a man who ages backwards, it can be about a man who goes to southeast asia with a group of mercenaries, overthrows a communist regime, and then at the end they blow up a large military base. That would be so awesome.  
  5. Or they could have just not made the movie. That would have been swell.
I'm sick of all these movies based on old books. The only good movie ever made that was based on a book was called Rambo: First Blood. That new movie time traveler's wife seems to follow the exact same premise as the curious case: Some woman falls madly in love with a man who's life is subject to unusual circumstances. You can really go anywhere with that. In fact, i just thought of some great ideas.
The Wonderful John Tillman: John Tillman is a regular man, but on the second tuesday of every month he turns into a crocodile, making his love affair with jane quite a challenge.
The Wife of the Man with Carrots for Fingers: Its not easy being in a relationship, especially when you're a man with carrots for fingers!!!
Speed: Terrorists attach a bomb to a local city bus that is set to detonate if the buses speed drops below 55. shit, that ones already taken. 


  1. aside from completely agreeing to this post, benjamin button was a very fucking direct rip off of forrest gump. would it really hurt filmmakers to TRY again? well i guess it's not profitable.

  2. their theory was "if it was good in one movie, it will be good in ours"