Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps Review

Much like my review for the awful movie precious, I should first start out by admitting that I have never seen this movie, nor do I intend to, and that my opinions are entirely based on theatrical trailers, IMDB.com information, my opinion of the first movie which I DID see, and second hand testimonials.

This movie is the sequel to the nineteen-ninety-something box office hit: Wallstreet, starring Charlie Sheene and Michael Douglas. Its basically about Charlie Sheene doing a bunch of insider trading and cocaine, making himself filthy rich while his down-home, blue collar father shakes his head in disapproval. A bunch of shit happens and Charlie Sheene and Michael Douglas end up going to jail. I do not know the plot of the sequel, a term I use loosely since its been over twenty years since the original was made, but I can tell you that this movie is an absolute shit pile. Allow me to explain.

The Movie is rated PG-13
The original Wall Street had that rare blend of swearing, drug use, and no-context nudity that provided an extremely grim portrait of New York City. This movie has Shia LeBeouff.

The Movie has Shia Lebeouff
Remember that annoying little bitch they use as a character to make it seem like the two Transformers movies had plots? That douche bags the main character.

The title
Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps. No fucking shit, its money. Its an inanimate object, it doesn't have to. Whats sad is how whoever thought of this title probably jumped out of his seat and said "I GOT IT!" when he thought of it, and all of his peers nodded in flaccid approval.

The Lack of Charlie Sheene
Even though you'd think I am, I am not a Hollywood screenplay writer. Despite this, even I know that when you make a sequel to a movie it should probably have the same main character, and not have a new main character played by an actor who bench presses less than Justin Bieber. Charlie Sheene is by far the most raging alcoholic in America, and who better to play the role of an insider trader fresh out of years in federal prison? No one.

The movie some how cost 70 million dollars to make
If a movie is going to cost that much to produce, it should have these three things; at least three giant explosions. Movies with budgets like that are usually mildly entertaining, but this movie is just "blah blah economy blah blah i'm Shia LeBeouff and I'm the worst actor ever blah blah" How that cost 70 million dollars to write, shoot, and produce is beyond me.

This movie has only made 35 million dollars so far. Let's keep it that way.