8.30.2010

Scientists: Try Harder

The scientific community hasn't done anything worth noting since Albert Einstein proved that E is INDEED equal to MC squared. (Like we wouldn't have figured that out anyway) You may be thinking "but hey, what about string theory?" to which I reply, no, the universe does not contain eleven dimensions, you're just trying to sound smart by parroting shit you saw that asian guy say on the Science Channel that one time.
"Eleven. Count em'."

Its pretty obvious to anyone who cares that science is really hard to come by these days. So rather than putting their collective heads together and solving important problems like how to time-travel and light sabers, they've resorted to making outrageous claims just to piss everyone off.

Pluto is not a Planet
The major astronomers of the world decided in August of 2006 that Pluto can no longer be considered a planet. This can quickly be refuted, however, by the simple observation that Pluto is a large, round thing that orbits the sun. The official term for it now is "dwarf planet". What, so just because its a "dwarf" means its not a planet anymore? I'm sure the cast of Little People, Big World will be happy to know that they aren't technically "people" anymore.
Zach and Jeremy are twins.
"the fuck' you nerds say about me?"
Also, look at the douche with the red penguin T/vest combo

There Was No Triceratops
This next one is just sad. The triceratops, the third best dinosaur behind the T-Rex and Velociraptor, has come under attack from a group of paleontologists who share the same disrespect for science as the anti-plutites and string theorists. Their argument is that they were all so stupid, that they thought the triceratops was its own species when they were really just young versions of a completely similar looking dinosaur called the torosaurus. The image on the left is the traditional triceratops, and the one on the right is a fully grown "triceratops", the torosaurus.
Scientists: "oh wait. fuck"

So for the entire history of paleontology, not a single person was smart enough to make the connection that the triceratops might just be a younger version of another dinosaur. Trying to cover his ass, paleontologist John Scanella went on record saying, "Paleontologists are at a disadvantage because we can't go out into the field and observe a triceratops grow from a baby to an adult". Yeah, ok John, like I haven't heard the whole I-can't-be-certain-because-what-I-study-doesn't-exist-anymore excuse before. Maybe you should have all just, I don't know, noticed that the triceratops looks exactly the fucking same as the torosaurus? I am highly confident that paleontologists have known about this error for at least over 9000 years and were just hoping no one would say anything, until John Scanella had to open his big fucking mouth about it.

Scientists: Do better.


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