8.12.2010

The Big 3 Douchiest Clothing Lines and the Men who Wear Them Pt 2: Affliction

Affliction: "I like tatoos but i'm too much of a pussy to ever make the decision to actually get one. Also, my favorite MMA fighters are Randy Couture and Chuck Lidell in THAT order"

The clothing brand Affliction's name alone adequately describes itself; a horrific cause of pain, suffering, or distress. Your words, dictionary, not mine. It takes a different class of douche to wear these clothes; a guy who claims to be interested in MMA, acts tough to compensate for years of neglect/abuse, and always talks about tatoos he wants to get but never actually goes through with it because he hears that the needles hurt kind of bad. The way the designs on an Affliction shirt work like this; Its a really lame tattoo that you can WEAR AS A SHIRT!!.

Without exception, every Affliction shirt in the history of the brand consists of these essential things:
  • Skulls (human or dragon)
  • Crucifixes ironically juxtaposed
  • The Affliction logo spelled in the font "Gothic Tattoo"
  • Swirling stencil designs
  • Subtle variations in the brightness of the coloring that are probably douche stains
  • Or this.
Photobucket
"most guys wouldn't wear a shirt with a giant, feminist angel on it, but then again, I'm not most guys. Please have sex with me."

Tune in next fortnight for Pt 3: Ed Hardy "I am the biggest douche bag in the world and no other type of person will ever top my absolute lameness, not even women who watch The View"

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