Consequences: Will they Ever be the Same?

Jessie "Slaughter" Leonhardt currently holds the world record for caring about youtube comments. For those of you unfamiliar with this viral video, I'd like to first offer a warm welcome to the internet. All eleven year old Jessie slaughter wanted to do was post videos for some talentless emo band's fan website she was in, when (probably) baseless rumors of her having sex with a member of the band began to surface. What she should have done was absolutely nothing, but what she DID do was make a video of herself talking about how much better she is than everyone, and that she will "put a glock in your mouth and make a brain slushee"
Brain Slushee was actually the title of a Tupac album

Ebaums World Finds the Video: Does what you'd expect them to.
The above video soon caught the attention of users on a message board called Ebaums World. If you do not know what that is, keep it that way. All you need to know is that regular users of that site have about as much morality as Lindsey Lohan has success in her future. Its great, I go on it all the time now. Ebaums proceeded to bombard Jessie with comments so hateful and insidious that they make Mel Gibson's rants look like an episode of Reading Rainbow.
We don't have to worry about being raped by a pack of Lavar Burtons, and it wouldn't be our faults if it happened. I also don't think he's started ANY of the wars.

The onslaught of hatred effected her house hold in the absolute biggest way possible youtube comments could. Her parents alerted authorities, some fictional some real, Jessie lost her ability to eat and sleep, and her father grew the most disgusting mustache ever out of pure rage. He also made an internet video with his daughter, in an attempt to intimidate /b/ with a bevy of threats. While he failed at intimidating a single person, he inadvertently succeeded in creating what I believe to be the most hilarious viral video ever. Let's take a look.

I've been trying for at least a month now to figure out what this man was trying to accomplish by making this video. "Yeah, this will scare the shit out of those lyin' bunch of pricks!" In an earlier take of the video, he also goes on to tell the the haters that they "dun goof'd", officially winning the award for least intimidating thing said of all time, ever.

Now imagine you're at a bar; you talk to a women who you did not know was with her boyfriend, he walks up to you and says, "hey pal, don't talk to my girlfriend." You drunkenly reply, "she looks like a pig in heat anyway, I don't care". "That's it pal, you dun goof'd."

What's most perplexing about this video are these four things;
  • Who are the cyber police?
  • Why is he in the "Iced" position?
  • What did he mean by "I back TRACED it?
  • Will consequences ever be the same?
Unable to stop pondering these questions I began my research. After about 2 seconds each on Google and Wikipedia respectively, I found that there is no Cyber Police. I let out a long sigh of relief knowing that the cyber police would not be knocking my door down with warrants issued by Tapout and Affliction.

Figuring out what back TRACING was took a little more effort, as Google kept saying Did you mean Backtracking? No, Google. I know what the fuck I meant. Since Google didn't seem to know what it was out of its presumptuousness, I assumed no one did and that he, like the Cyber Police, made it up. What I'm sure he meant was IP address tracking, but with that kind inbred/meth addict accent I can safely say he doesn't know what that is. Even if he could "backtrace", I don't think that the Cyber Police have enough personnel to make that many cyber arrests. Oh yeah and the whole first amendment thing too.

What was easily the most baffling part of this video was his grand finale. With rage in his voice and resolve in his heart, he proclaims in crystal clarity, "Consequences will NEVER be the same" I cannot even begin to speculate what he means by this. I at first believed him to have misspoke, but there was no stutter or restating. I have bad news for you and your mustache; consequences for making fun of annoying children on youtube will stay the same for ever: Nothing happens.