When I show up to the max on bike, get the fuck out the way

This blog is dedicated to all you mother fuckers that ride the max at around five pm, and stand in my way while I try to hang my bike on the designated hook. I know not everyone can do their part to save the world from global warming like me, but I think the least you could do to show appreciation for my care for the environment is to step the fuck out the way when I try to get on the train.

As a person who has virtually zero C02 emissions, I am a shining example of society, should be held in a much higher regard than common Earth-killing motorists, so please, all I ask is that you max riders step out of the way so I can hang my bike up. The other day an elderly woman told me to get off and wait for the next train. I promptly looked her in the eye, gave a firm "no", and that bitch shut the fuck up real quick. Another time an urban gentleman told me that I was, "taking up a lot of space with that bike man" as he stood in the very area where I was supposed to place my bike.

Not being one to provoke confrontation, I gave him a stern look, glanced down and to the right at the sign that said something to the extent of "don't fucking stand here because its where people who care about the environment hang their bikes", and he immediately moved to another part of the train and sat the fuck down, like the little bitch he was.

In conclusion, as a cyclist I am a shining example of society, someone Al Gore should thank, and an overall upstanding citizen of Earth. The only reason I ride a bike is because of my undying love for the Planet Earth and it has nothing to do with the fact that I lost my license because of a DUI. So you're welcome, citizens of Earth. Because of me the Polar Ice Caps will be around that much longer.

Captain Planet out.