Formspring.me; Moral Decay's New URL

The premise of Formspring.me is simple. Users are asked anonymous questions about their breasts/penises/sexual partners or are flagrantly insulted without any means of verbal or physical retaliation. If there is one philosophical lesson this site has taught me, it is that under the veil of anonymity people transform into hateful, perverted lunatics who make personal attacks that make Mel Gibson's antisemitic DUI rant look like the "I Have a Dream" speech.

I've been using this website for months and I have had a few really great laughs at other peoples' questions and responses, and have enjoyed answering the many ridiculous questions as well as the few deep and meaningful questions I've received (about two). Almost every question has been about my genitalia, past sexual experiences, and insults made by people who are jealous of the shining example of humanity I am. Of all the questions I've answered, one in particular stands out like Ja Rule at a Jimmy Buffet concert.

Q: how does it feel being a giant douche, and ill beat you to the punch line... dont say something gay like "i dont know ask yourself or your mom". How does it feel knowing that YOU are a DOUCHE?

What this person did here was brilliant. Not only did he make a clear and irrefutable case that I am indeed a douche, he also put it in ALL CAPS and completely neutralized any possible comeback I could have made. Anyone who I've ever insulted knows that my only rebuttal to anything is a "your mom" joke. As a man, however, my questions are nothing compared to what women are faced with on this site.

If you are a female and thinking about signing up for formspring, keep in mind that you will receive no less than seventeen of the most sexually perverted questions a day. The questions will only increase in frequency and vulgarity as the days pass. Here is a simulated example of the average female formspring user's profile.

How big are your tits?

can I fuck you?
probably not :)

Can I fuck you?
No, none of you can, i don't even know who you are?

I'd like to hook up jumper cables to your nipples and electrocute you while I watch five of my Jewish friends have sex with you in an abandoned pool off I-5.
I'm calling the cops.

Even though I did make that last one up, I would bet my future first born son's life on the fact that that exact question has been asked at least once.

1 comment:

  1. I'm posting this as anonymous but i think you might have an idea of who i am. I have read every single one of your articles and believe your work is truely brilliant. I am also writing as anonymous because i just wanted to clal you a giant doucher! IN ALL CAPS!!! JK waterman. You should do more posts on the THEORY of global warming and how it doesnt exist