Romance Novels

Why is it that every middle aged woman in the United States has a library of congress sized collection of 400+ page paper back book with titles such as "love in the dark", "the fingers of seduction" and "lust"? My theory behind this was that women just like to read about romance, since that's all they care about and could give 5 fucks less about sex. WRONG. I was at the grocery store the other day when I decided to read a passage from one of these books and what I saw was quite surprising indeed.
These books are basically porn for women. I know what you're thinking, "they already have porn for women, its called Oprah!". But this is actually some pretty descriptive shit. Most of the pages contain very descriptive scenes of sexual intercourse, rich with metaphors, similes, hyperbole, and all that shit. "his eyes were like turquoise pools", "his body was God like", and "his dick was like a footlong hotdog". Women always condemn men for watching porn, but here they are reading it, acting like it isn't. Well I'm here to expose "Romance Novels" for what they are. PORN FOR WOMEN.
I've decided that men could actually become interested in this kind of thing too, so I've been toying with the idea of "Bromance Novels". They're going to be slightly different than the ones women read. The main character is always going to be an ex-marine heavy machine gunner who has to save the world from evil terrorists, and after every mission he goes to a bar and has a one night stand witha drunk chick. The novels will be 25 pages long and on every 6th page will be either a beer ad or a picture of a naked chick. They're going to have metaphors for men, 'MENaphors' if you will. "The terrorist was the catcher, and I was the pitcher. The baseball, my hand grenade", "The barrel of my M60 heated up faster than a Charking3000 Propane Grill", "She was a parasite, asking me if I wanted to stay for breakfast after a one-night-stand"
Expect to see "Explode on your Face" on the New York Time's Best Seller list

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