Stop Calling it "Rip City"

Having lived in Portland for YEARS and also having followed the Blazers all season--pre-draft workouts included--I can say that I am as disappointed as anyone in their recent defeat at the hands of the crystal meth addict looking Steve Nash and the Phoenix Suns.

However, I find myself in a state of somewhat relief in the fact that I no longer have to see, hear, or even think about the words "Rip City". At least until I see some hip fan wearing their bafflingly uncreative alternate jersey, that is. Seriously, Ray Charles could have designed a better looking jersey, and he's blind.

Many people wonder why such a nick name was given to our NBA team, and quite a few theories have been postulated over the years. Some people claim it represents the "rip" sound the net makes when you score, but if this were true we would be called "Swish City", which is more retarded by light years. Another popular hypothesis is that "dude its because like, when you RIP A BONG!!" Although about 98% of Portlandites smoke marijuana on a regular basis, this hypothesis also holds no ground.

There are a lot of proposed reasons out there for the name Rip City, but you better tie your belt around your lower bicep, because I'm about to mainline some truth right into your veins. The phrase "Rip City" means absolutely nothing. I don't normally use bold italics, but I think this situation more than called for it.

In 1971 during a game against the Lakers, the Blazers' commentator Bill Schonely witnessed a long range shot go in, and in the heat of the moment yelled out "Rip City! All right!" To this very day Schonely has no idea why he said it, and claims it just came out of his mouth. From that moment forward it was decided that the Portland Trail Blazers would be referred to as a tourettes-like exclamation. By now I hope you can see why I am so off put by this nick name.

It would be like the ever increasingly senile Mike Rice randomly saying "Snake Aquarium" after a clutch three by Roy and having that be our nick name for ever. I know this nick names going no where, but I just hope that next season we can at least get past the first round and maybe, just maybe our centers' knee tendons will stop having the strength of rubber bands. It would also be a lot less embarrassing if they'd stop sending pictures of their dicks to people. I'm talking to you, Oden.