A Michael Moore Joint

Ever since the economy crashed I've been waiting for someone to make a movie and explain it all to me (yeah, i know there are books but I don't know how to read, only write), and as of now Michael Moore is the only documentary filmmaker to even attempt to make an entertaining movie about it. In general, this movie had a lot of interesting content, but was more boring than a quadriplegic mime. You know, because quadriplegics cant move any part of their body and a mime's act is entirely dependent on him having that ability. Here is a basic rundown of the entire movie from start to finish.
  • People crying about losing their homes.
  • Unrelated story about companies making money by profiting off of their employees dying by buying life insurance on them.
  • People crying again.
  • Shots of him wearing a baseball hat that doesn't fit.
  • The big finale of him driving an armored car up to major financial institutions demanding money, followed by a fifteen minute Obama love fest.
You're right, Mike. Obama is the perfect choice for dealing with a country run completely by banks. I mean its not like Rahm Emanual, who sat on the board of directors of Fannie Mae is his Chief of Staff, or Tim Geithner, a former CEO of Citi Group is the Treasury Secretary, because that would be a preposterous conflict of interest regarding bank bailouts. OH WAIT! BOTH OF THOSE PEOPLE HOLD THOSE RESPECTIVE POSITIONS!

The vast majority of this movie is spent trying to jerkoff your mind's emotional center until your eyes ejaculate tears (yeah that metaphor just happened) by showing you people who were tricked into giving their houses to the banks, who subsequently tear up faster than Glenn Beck. Far more time is spent on the stories of individual people crying than how insanely corrupt our banking system and government are, which is ultimately why this film blows my balls. Also, there is not a single mention of the Federal Reserve Bank, that isn't actually a part of the U.S. government at all and how our monetary system, like a crack head, only creates debt.

Despite the political inconsistency of Moore's views, I recommend this movie because there are a few scarcely covered events he touches on that I can only described as "hella fucked up" and you'll be all like, "holy shit thats hella fucked up" for DAYS. For instance, a company makes millions by privatizing the juvenile detention center in a small town in Pennsylvania, and a somewhat bipartisan look at why the house market crashed and how the bailout was pushed through. So if you're a lib you've probably already seen this movie the day it came out and if you adhere to the other political ideology(there are ONLY two), watch it until the last fifteen minutes when he gives Obama the closest film equivalent to oral sex, and instead watch the final twenty minutes of Rambo.

Ron Paul 12'

1 comment:

  1. some great points raised here. it's funny to me that when obama came along all of my democrat friends started either: freaking out and buying obama merchandise OR silently wanting to suck his dick into eternity. michael moore fell victim to the same rhetoric that got obama elected. even though i generally respect some of the moves moore makes

    also, ron paul '12, fuck yeah.