I Hope Fireflies Become Extinct

Today at work my ears were raped. In the break room at my place of employment a radio was playing one of those clean top 40 hits stations that mothers play in their hybrid minivans so their 12 year old obese son doesn't have to be exposed to the evils of swear words. They played the usual modern day noise that the mainstream thinks is music, but then they played a song that made me envy deaf people; Fireflies, by Owl City.

For those of you fortunate enough to have some how never heard this song, its subject matter consists primarily of hugging insects, learning how to dance from said insects, disco balls, and crying. I know exactly what you're thinking, women sing about this type of stuff all the time, right? Wrong. This song is sung entirely by someone who appears to be a man.

There is no excuse for this type of behavior from a male musician. I've forgiven all the bands that write songs about their feelings for women so that they could bang a bunch of them when they go on tour, but I have no idea what Owl City is trying to accomplish with this feminine hygiene product of a song. Its almost as if they are making an honest effort to convey their emotions.


Society has recently been on a crusade to completely shatter the gender roles that evolution has provided. Women are trying to be more like men, and men are trying to be more like women, and its making people look like fucking idiots. Gone are the days of men drinking beer, watching sports, and getting in fist fights over seemingly trivial matters, and here are the days of apple martinis, 3D Disney movies, and talking about our problems. Leading psychologists agree, if you are a man its best to keep your emotions bottled up inside, and not bother anyone with them, becase quite frankly, they don't matter.

The male race is slowly metamorphasizing into a horde of pathetic middle school girls who sing about counting sheep and spooning with bugs. I'm surprised men are still even born with penises. I used to be a firm believer in freedom of speech, but when abortions of music like this are on the air, I'm not so sure anymore. I feel like my ears now have A.I.D.S.