The Hood River "Distillery"

I use the term "distillery" very loosely, because I highly suspect that this place is actually a rubbing alcohol plant that one day decided it could triple its profits by making a solution of 60% unfiltered city water and 40% unfiltered rubbing alcohol. Having consumed liters of this stuff as a high school student, I think my opinion is to be respected. If you live in Oregon or Washington and have ever drank underage, or are just an alcoholic on a budget, you are invariably familiar with the insulting flavor of HRD vodka. If you drink HRD you are one step above people who strangle themselves while they masturbate to get high, and one step below people who huff paint. Also interesting to note, the colors in the letters "HRD" are the same used by my high school's sports teams; black, cardinal red, and Vegas gold. But seriously, they have better vodka in Russia.

This vodka's not even bottom shelf, its on the floor.

The aroma of HRD can best be described as the in-your-face aroma of walking into a room where a woman (or in this day in age a man) has been applying nail polish, and the taste is the equivalent of downing a straight shot of rocket fuel. Shitty rocket fuel. Probably the rocket fuel China uses in their space program. Many people mix this abomination, in absurdly high proportions, with beverages like Coca Cola, orange juice, or Sprite in a futile attempt to mask its putrid taste. Its kind of like dipping vegetables in ranch to make them taste better. At the end of the day, they're still vegetables.

This vodka is proudly distilled in Hood River, Oregon, right next to an air port, so you know its good. At about eight dollars for a fifth of pure hangover inducing toxins, its no wonder that this brand has been such high seller in Oregon and Washington over the past years. This vodka is also double charcoal filtered, which I can only imagine must look something like this;

Source: HRDspirits.com/virtualtour

These people are actually just pouring rubbing alcohol and water into a charcoal grill, repeating the process, and putting it in a plastic container, another indication of its shittiness. I must commend these people though, for realizing that when it comes to people drinking themselves into oblivion, leaving themselves vulnerable to being drawn on with permanent marker or raped, people always choose quantity over quality.

Seriously though, if you're going to drink shitty vodka, get Burnett's. At least they effectively mask the taste with artificial flavors like watermelon, citrus, and peach. For as long as HRD is in business, which looks like until the day people stop drinking for some reason, lets refer to it as its real name; Hood Rat Drink.