If These Shows are What Reality is, Then Kill Me Now

Deadliest Catch: Give me a fucking break. The fact that people actually watch this show is proof enough for me that the United States educational system has failed us. Is it really that hard to believe that people take large boats off the coast of Alaska and catch crab? Is it even harder to believe that it isn't that easy of a job? This is easily the most redundant of the reality shows. One boat has an easy time catching crab, another has a fairly mediocre but average catch, and the other boat gets stuck in treacherous ice, and the captain has to make a decision that could decide the fate of millions of people world wide.

Operation Repo: One of my favorite. Nothing is more entertaining than seeing some dead beat who's three months behind on their 99 Pontiac Grand Am lease get into a heated argument with a repo man, usually swearing. Verbal disagreements, classic! I can't watch this show because its too depressing to know that these assholes are actually real people. One person even lit the car on fire that the repo men were trying to claim. This must of been staged, because no one is stupid enough to destroy a car they don't even own. But then again, America isn't that bright these days, look at all the people who can't get jobs! They should make the opposite of this show and call it Payed in Full: A reality show chronicling the colorful lives of ordinary citizens who make full, prompt payments on the property they have leased.

Survivor: Other than the fact that there have been roughly 8-10 thousand seasons of this show since it was originally aired, every season is the same. There's a bunch of tools on an island, who eat bugs twice during the whole series, and compete in physically tasking events such as walking across a narrow log, maintaining balance in order to not fall into the treacherous shallow water bellow. My main gripe with this show is that the very title is flagrantly misleading. The title 'Survivor' implies that at least some of the people on the show die. And of course nobody does. Thank you, net work sensors. On this show apparently "not surviving" means sitting around a bunch of mosquito replant torches and having the group vote on who they like the least. And the person who 'survives' and makes it all the way gets something like a million dollars. Which is bullshit because usually your reward for being a survivor is not dying.

Ice Road Truckers: I've never actually seen this show but I'm assuming it has to do with truck drivers doing their jobs in less-than-ideal road conditions. Yawn. probably doesn't even detail all the meth and hookers involved in a trucker's life.

America's Next Top Model: I once saw about twenty minutes of this show while waiting for my sister to give me the T.V. and I would rather have AIDS than ever watch this show again. The women on this show aren't even hot. They should call it America's Next Top Holocaust Survivor. Seriously, if you took the black ones from that show and put them in Ethiopia, they'd blend right in. I expect a certain level of fatlessness from women, but these bitches look like dogs that have been neglected by their owners. And I don't wanna hear any "BUT THEY WORK SO HARD!!!" yeah, its real fucking hard to put clothes on, walk a strait line, turn around, and walk back. Well I guess it might be when you have as much muscle as you do skin.

Intervention: This show should be called "Wanna Feel Like a Generally Successful Individual?" Well I guess someone had to profit on the misfortunes of others. Who knows, maybe it has been a factor in our countries decreased drug use. I mean last thing I wanna do after I see a 36 year old man speedballing cocaine and heroin in his mom's garage is, well, speedball cocaine and heroin.

Ghost Hunters: Ghost hunters is about a group of paranormal investigators who travel the world in search of, you guessed it, ghosts. How many ghosts have these fake fucks actually gotten on camera? Zero. But what you do get is plenty of Blair Witch style close ups of faces with frightened confusion, spooky audio clips of noises that are consistent with that of an old, creaking house, and a website with a helpful glossary of terms used during the show. This glossary helps to clear up ghost hunting neophytes with definitions to head scratchers like "Digital Audio" and "Entity". And all this time I thought Digital Audio was some type of horse.

More to come. If I feel like it.

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