Meth Busters: Concerned Citizens Not Making the Slightest Difference

In Salem Oregon a group of known citizens who affectionately refer to themselves as "the Meth Busters" (Clever) are at it again; ridding our lackluster state's capitol of meth amphetamine by monitoring the behavior of known meth users (invading their right to privacy) and going into small convenience stores and asking them to remove their bongs, hookahs, scales, and even small plastic bags. I can just hear the meth addicts now; "How am I supposed to buy meth if it doesn't come in small plastic baggies!"
All these people are doing is wasting their time in a clear attempt to become local celebrities by appearing every few months on the 11 o'clock news. Meth is quickly becoming the scourge of our nation, but harassing shop owners who are selling products that are completely legal is not going to solve this problem. If these old whores came into my shop the exchange of words would probably go something like this:
Me: "Hello aging whores, what can I do for you?"
Whore 1: "uhm.. yeah.. we've got some questions about you're behind the counter merchandise"
Me: "What can I get you?"
Whore 2: "What exactly is this?"
Me: "That's a glass pipe. Strictly for tobacco"
Whore 1: "Yeah... uhm... and all this other stuff?"
Me: "well lets see, we've got the old glass waterpipes, chillums, glass roses, scales for precisely weighing small amounts of chemicals, and the always popular tiny plastic baggies and torch lighters. Definitely not for using meth, if that's what you're asking"
Both Whores: "uhm... yeah... we're going to need you to get rid of all this stuff, it promotes drug use"
Me: "Excuse me? what are you old whores talking about? All I'm doing is selling perfectly legal materials to underweight, scab-faced, lifeless looking NASCAR fans. I don't know what they're doing with it"
Whores: "Don't you see! Those are meth addicts! They're using your products to smoke meth!"
Me: "Yeah? Well what about people who smoke pipe tobacco from glass pipes because they don't like the aftertaste from wooden pipes? Or up-and-coming chemists who can't afford a triple beam balance? Now get the fuck out and let me sell my wares in peace"
Whores: "We'll leave, but just wait until the 11 oclock news comes on tonight! We're going to public defame the shit out of your store!"
Me: "Oh no, now all 6 people who watch the local news are going to know what a threat my store is! I'm a store owner, not a god damned public relations consultant."

And how are they supposed to "monitor the behavior of known meth users"? Meth users don't exactly sleep that often. And don't these people have jobs? My theory is that these are just former stay at home moms, who's children have all gone off to college or moved out, and need something to do now that they've lost their battle against violence in the media, the UFC, and obscenity. These women are doing absolutely nothing to combat the problem of meth amphetamine. I would bet my Farmville Farm that not a single meth user has quit as a result of their actions. They are just a bunch of old attention whores who think they make some type of difference to the world. Its like someone cloned Hillary Clinton.

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