AT&T Will Most Likely Sue Me for Writing This

I'm not one to usually get wrapped up in such trivial arguments as this, but after recent events AT&T has given me no choice but to point out what a bunch mother fuckers they are. Apparently a legal precedent has been set at some point in the past which allows a company to sue their rival for pointing out true and accurate information about how much better their service is. Verizon Wireless simply made a commercial that points out just how much more 3G coverage they offer than AT&T. (Somewhere around the 95% of the U.S. for Verizon and an area of coverage for AT&T that totals about the size of Rhode Island)

After the commercials aired AT&T had two options: try to sue Verizon, or hire Luke Wilson to star in a rebuttal commercial. In a bizarre turn of events, they actually decided to do both. Whats hilarious is how they completely fucked it up, in every conceivable way. First of all, Luke Wilson? Really? The smart thing to do would be to bring Carrot Top back, he's pretty buff these days! Its sad because the commercial doesn't even deny Verizon's claims, it just points to its own country wide cell phone coverage, which still doesn't match up to Verizon. Its just Luke Wilson throwing postcards on a big map saying "look at all the relatively unknown towns such as Spokane Washington where people have AT&T!". The commercial is actually a two parter, and in the second commercial you get to see the Verizon guy walk up to him, stab him, and say "Can you hear me now? Probably not, because you're dead. Good." Things take a turn from the retarded to the even-more-retarded when details of the lawsuit become apparent.

Anyone who's watched at least twenty minutes of television in the last few weeks is familiar with Verizon's "there's a map for that" commercial which points out just how inferior AT&T's 3G coverage is to Verizon. AT&T claims this is misleading because all of Verizon's network is 3G, and that confuses people into believing that they cannot use AT&T smart phones outside of 3G areas. This lawsuit is almost as moronic as people suing McDonalds for making them fat and cigarette companies for them making the conscious decision to smoke.

I think having the iPhone has really gotten to AT&T's head. With Apple suing everyone for "copying" their multi-touch pinch and zoom feature, I guess suing Verizon for doing something equally legal seemed like the logical move. There is however the matter of Verizon customers not being able to use the internet while they talk on the phone, which is something that AT&T and Luke Wilson proudly offer. You've won this round AT&T, I don't know how I could ever go five minutes without being on the internet to make a call to one of my stupid friends and/or relatives.