Questionable Lyrics

Its come to my attention that the mainstream music of today is filled with lyrics that are so bad that it causes me to envy the deaf. The following is my personal commentary on some of the most glaring examples of this.

David Guetta- Sexy Chick "I'm trying to find the words to describe this girl without being disrespectful."

Here's a tip for you David. If you can't immediately formulate a sentence that is anything less than flattering to describe a drunk woman at a dance club, you probably never will. This makes me think you are trying to politely tell a woman that she's put on a few too many pounds, and that she should start throwing up after meals.

B.O.B.- Airplanes "Lets pretend that air planes are shooting stars."

While we're on the subject of pretending things that are blatantly untrue, lets make believe for a second that this song were never recorded, and that your mother had an abortion.

Eminem- Forgot about Dre. "Fuck you too bitch, call the cops, imma' kill you AND them loud ass mother fucking barking dogs."

Ok Slim Shady, that's a totally reasonable response to the situation at hand. I suppose I should expect this from a man who's written not one but two songs about murdering his wife and kidnapping his daughter, but this is just awful. (97 Bonnie and Clyde, Kim)

Eminem- Forgot about Dre Cont. "And when the cops came through me and Dre stood next to a burnt down house. With a can full of gas and a hand full of matches, still no one found out. (Right here!)"

I am aware that our nations law enforcement aren't the brightest or even most cognitively functioning group of people, but I'm pretty sure that if they saw you standing next to a burning building holding the contents you described, while exclaiming "right here!" to draw attention to yourself, they'd put the pieces together rather quickly. It'd be like a jury acquitting an ex-NFL star on trial for murdering his wife and best friend, even though they found one of his gloves at the crime scene covered in blood. Oh wait...

Ke$ha- Your Love is my Drug "Maybe I need some rehab, or maybe just need some sleep"

Try sleep, Kesha. At least that way there's the remarkably high chance that you'll choke on your own vomit in your sleep, ridding the world of yet another inexplicably famous fake person. Or to be less rude, you were right the first time.

Justin Bieber- Any lyric he has ever sang.

Your very existence has proven to me beyond any doubt that Americans will listen to whatever record executives decide is going to be popular that year. You aren't fit to sing in a karaoke bar, assuming of course that by the time you've turned 21 you've gone through puberty and the bouncer doesn't think you're a 12 year old with a fake I.D. (Doubtful)

Bobby Brackins-143 "143, baby I love you"

When I first heard this song I just thought that you didn't know how to count, but a friend of mine actually pointed out to me that you're just saying "I love you" in the most absolutely roundabout way possible by simply saying the corresponding number to however many letters there are in each word. If someone ever said "143" to me, I would respond with 248, "Go Fuck Your Self." These shitty lyrics aren't helped by the fact that you sound like my friends doing Lil Wayne impressions after drinking half a fifth of vodka. Speaking of rappers signed by lil wayne...

Drake- Forever "Understand nothing was done for me"

Really, Drake? You mean to tell me that the popularity you gained among 14 year old girls from being on the show DeGrassi had nothing to do with your current fame?
If this were Call of Duty, that rapist/pedophile with the glasses would have just scored 10 points.

Despite all this hatred, I truly appreciate mainstream music, and in fact I think its a good thing that there are songs that almost everyone can instantly identify with. Let's face it, picking music to like is hard. Its far more easy to just listen to the current hits and hip hop station and scream like a little girl every time the song you've heard twenty times in the last three days comes on. Also, if you read this and think I stole the entire concept for this blog from the website Snacksandshit.com, its because I did. Consider this me giving them credit. Have a nice day.

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