The Sportsmanship Police Sink to a New Low

Watch this video. Keep in mind it is completely serious and is in no way trying be humorous.

Whoever made this commercial obviously needs a crash course in sports ethics. Namely, that there aren't any. Here is a short list of errors in this commercial. To whoever made this, I hope you find this valuable, and suggest that before the next time you produce a commercial you do at least a little bit of research on the advertisement's subject matter. Otherwise, people will just keep making fun of you.
  1. If you are going to show a dunk, show the whole thing, uncut, in slow motion, with numerous camera flashes in the background. The fact that you zoomed in on the two hands dunking not only makes it obvious that he jumped off of a chair, it completely invalidates the shot.
  2. Referees are all idiots. You don't know this because you have never played any type of sport in your life. If you have, you would know that referees always make shitty calls and they are always against your team. To not take advantage of a call like this is like turning down the opportunity steal Bill Gates' credit card information.
  3. The goal of an sporting event is to win. I don't know of any sport where the object of the game is for everyone to mutually respect each other. Maybe American youth soccer, but thats about as far as it gets. If anything, this commercial proves my longstanding point that sportsmanship actually gets in the way. From what I can tell, "Alex", a person who I am ashamed to share the same first name with, has hindered his team from having at least some chance of winning the championship game.
  4. There has never been an instance in the NBA where a player, near the end of a close game, has told a ref that he made a wrong call in favor of his team. If this actually happened, the player, the entire coaching staff, personal trainers, equipment managers, and post game entertainers (prostitutes) would all be fired, and exiled from the NBA.
If you still, for whatever reason, haven't learned the facts yet, lets take a moment to think about how Alex's life might have gone after the game considering the events in this commercial, and the alternative. He can dunk and he's only in high school, so he probably has a chance at a college scholarship, and maybe even hope of playing in the NBA some day.

A. Alex keeps his mouth shut, as any other person in the world would.
Alex, being the best player on the team, makes an alley oop dunk at the buzzer, and his team wins the California State High School Basketball Championship by a margin of a single point. His team mates respect him, his coach makes him MVP of the season, and Sarah Adamly, the hottest senior, offers him her virginity. He earns the Play of the Day on Sports Center, and because of all the media attention is drafted directly from high school to the Memphis Grizzlies where he becomes the greatest basketball player of all time, landing an endorsement deal with Nike that quickly surpasses their Jordan brand both in popularity and sales.

B. Alex tells the ref "the truth", like a fucking idiot.
In complete shock and awe at the events that have transpired, Alex's team mates are so frustrated that they are unable to give their full attention to the game. Alex already regrets his decision entirely. Their opponents score a three pointer. Alex's team is now down by two possessions with five seconds to go, but despite their hardest efforts, ultimately lose the game. The entire team storms off the court, and in the locker room proceed to beat Alex with bars of soap inside of socks, like in the movie Full Metal Jacket. Alex is ostracized from his friends, barred from attending the annual team dinner, and kicked out of his mother's house, sent to live with his abusive aunt. He receives numerous death threats, and at least two clear attempts are made on his life. Three years later, at the age of twenty two, Alex overdoses on heroin behind a bar in downtown Los Angeles. A small memorial is held, he is cremated, and is ultimately relegated to the rank of a bitter memory in the minds his former team mates, friends, and family, who's spirits he has crushed.

This organization, called Values.com, seems to be fighting an uphill battle against humans who are naturally inclined to be greedy, manipulative sons of bitches who will do anything to prove themselves better than other people. They make many other inspirational videos and billboards, but the one that caught my eye was one with Michael J. Fox next to a quote that says, "Out-Foxing Parkinson's disease". Puns about degenerative disorders, now thats something we can all value.

Fact#81 if you cant beat them, join them. If you cant join them, kill yourself so that they dont have the satisfaction of doing it themselves

No comments:

Post a Comment