New Jersey and Oregon: The youre-too-stupid-to-pump-your-own-gas states.

There are a lot of stupid laws in this country, (drug laws, obscenity regulations, the Geneva Conventions) but the mandatory full service gas stations in New Jersey and Oregon offends me both as a citizen of Oregon and as a former citizen of Pennsylvania. Pennsylvania being one of only 48 states in America where you are allowed to pump your own gas.

What Oregon and New Jersey law makers are saying to us every year they don't repeal this patronizing law is, "awww I'm sorry, only trained professionals are allowed to do that. Besides, it creates jobs and is much more convenient for you". Thanks, legislators. I was afraid I would have to have to get out of my car, stand next to it for thirty seconds, and then walk inside and pay for my fuel.

And who can forget the backbone of our economy;hard working gas station attendants? I know having them around causes our state to consistently have the highest gas prices in the nation, but where else are alcoholic-meth-addict-NASCAR fans supposed to work? I only know one cool guy who pumps gas, and the only reason he works there is because its a rock solid front for all the drugs he sells.

But my favorite part about this awesome law is how people from New Jersey and Oregon think its the crrrazzziest thing ever to actually do it your god damned self. When I lived in Pennsylvania you'd always see a couple of I-talians from New Jersey saying "hey maria, check it out, i'm a pumpin a mine a own a gas a! take a pictcha!" And here in Oregon, I ask some one about their trip to Seattle and they're aww struck; "yeah it was nuts, we had to like, pump our own gas" me. "yeah that's always weird. so did you go to the space nee-" "WE PUMPED OUR OWN FUCKING GAS" cool story bro.

I've actually talked to people who like the fact that we have this law and don't mind the hundreds of extra dollars they pay for gas because they like the convenience. Then again, these are the same people who's parents buy them brand new cars while theyre in high school, and don't expect them to have part time jobs. Unlike me where I was given a car from 2003, and was expected to at least be looking for a part time job. Then I got a DUI and wrecked it and now I don't have it anymore. oh well, the world keeps turning and the Hood River Distillery keeps on making cheap vodka.

Jig until your heart stops beating.