Last Name Ever, First Name Dumbest, Middle Name Person

Is anyone else sick of mister I-was-on-a-Canadian-T.V.-Show-so-now-I-get-to-be-a-Rapper? I'm speaking of course, about current flavor of the month Drake. Yeah I'm a drake hater. And according to his lyrics, thanks to me he knows G4 pilots on a first name basis. Because nothing say's gangster like knowing people on a first name basis. Where does this guy get off claiming "nothing was done for him?" He was on Canada's biggest show EVER; Degrassi, which I know is Canada's biggest show ever because its the only one that was ever widely popular in America. I used to watch the show all the time, because quite frankly, teenagers in Canada also have hilarious accents! "Hey, I'm aboot to goo to the hockey game! oh no i got stabbed, drama!"

For those of you losers and social outcasts who have never seen the master piece that is Degrassi, here's a brief run down. Degrassi is a show about a high school in Canada, where every student is good looking and has never had acne, but they find themselves in a relatively high number of traumatic situation. Every character on Degrassi has been shot, raped, overdosed on drugs, committed manslaughter, became pregnant, contracted testicular cancer, or any combination of the aforementioned predicaments at least twice. As a black person, Drake was naturally given the role of the star athlete/aspiring rapper, who in an artistic turn events, was shot and became paralyzed in a later season. IRONIC. Although him being shot was a direct result of his stoner friend Spinner, he forgives him. Spinner, in a twist of fate shortly contracts testicular cancer as if by some act of karma. In dark comedic fashion, Spinner refers to his illness as "Ball Cancer". He is then stabbed five times while committing manslaughter and overdosing on marijuana.

But enough about scrotum based cancers, lets bring the point of emphasis back to the Drake. First of all, Drake isn't even his real name, its his middle name, and in my book you either go by your first name or your last. There is no in between. His real name Aubrey. Which when said, sounds suspiciously like the female name Audrey. More importantly though, Drake's main themes in is his song Forever are that he "started from nothing" "I did it without [a deal]" and using the word nigga even though he's obviously only half black. He first became famous through Myspace music, probably not using the the popularity from his show to attract site traffic. As a matter of fact, I'd be willing to bet his music would be popular even if he hadn't ever been on T.V. in the first place.

No seriously, I really do. With lyrics like, "If I'm up in the club you know I ball [pause] CHEMO!" rappers like T.I. and Lil Wayne (the other only reason he's popular) must be cowering in their jail cells worrying if people will still listen to their songs about how much money they have. All I can do now is hope against hope that this guy fades into obscurity like all the other Canadian T.V. star turned rappers. (Mark Wahlburg?) Hopefully this battle rap I've composed is enough to break his spirits enough to get him to cease all his music related actions at once.

Drakes a little bitch,

when he raps its a pain,

you did it without deal?

what about lil wayne?

He gave you 4 mill,

was that not a deal, drake?

do i need to find your escalade,

and disable you front brakes?

I will cut you down with my vicious fuckin rhymes,

put you in a wheel chair,

bitch,

for real this time.

dropping n bombs thinking "everbody knows me"

take a look in the mirror kid,

you're half black homie.

You know G4 pilots,

you know everyone's faces,

but your mom knows me

on a left nut basis.

You need to stop rapping,

because your never gonna stop me,

so go and take your half white ass

back to DEGRASSI.

I hope for his sake he doesn't read this because it will most likely drive him to suicide.