Midgets, Big World

When did it become politically incorrect to call a person of unusually small stature a midget? And further more, why are we so concerned about the feelings of a group of only 500,000 people in America who most of us could easily take in a one on one fight. There's actually a midgets rights group (because midgets still aren't allowed to do things like vote) that wants the F.C.C. to ban the word midget from all radio and television broadcasts. As we all know, calling someone a midget is the equivalent of calling a black guy the n word, a mexican the b word, or Kanye West someone who is not the winner of a major music award. Throughout history, the only purpose midgets have had is to entertain normal people, because for whatever reason, people find that a disease that makes you small and physically inferior to regular people is just side-splittingly hilarious.

Perhaps the most famous midget in the history of the universe is mini me from the Austin Powers saga. Audiences across America could do little to control their boisterous laughter as this 3 foot something bald man ran around making high pitched noises and kicking people in the nads. He then continued his illustrious show business career by appearing on one of those "celebrity" reality shows, where he frequently embarrassed himself by having way too much to drink. He's probably dead now or something. I don't know. And by "celebrity" I mean anyone who's ever had fifteen minutes of fame or less. Over the past few years though, midgets have embarked on an epic crusade to show that they are some how just like us people of regular stature . And of course, hilarity ensued.

It seems that America just can't get enough midgets living their everyday lives. How can one resist the excitement of a show that details the boring, shallow existence of a group of midgets who live on a farm in Oregon? You know what would be even more interesting? Staring at a brick wall for an hour. I couldn't believe it when I was doing my research earlier and found out that this show is still on the air. With the attention span of people these days I'm surprised it even lasted 4 episodes. People must still just be utterly perplexed that midgets do things that we do; going to school, working, paying taxes, and getting injured in bizarre pumpkin catapult accidents. We still must not have shaken the longstanding myth that midgets live in trees and spend their lives making cookies and performing strange mating rituals.

A couple of the kids are actually of normal height, and why they listen to anything their parents have to say is far beyond my realm of comprehension. If my parents were midgets I would tell them to stop acting like they can tell me what to do or I would use them to play basketball. I'm not saying I have anything against midgets. I'm just against some douche bag TLC producer making millions by exploiting people who have spent their lives overcoming a tragic, humiliating disease. And that I would use midgets to play basketball. Now that'd be a good show.