Why My Blog is the Best Fucking Thing on the Internet

As you can see by the title, this IS the Best Blog Ever Written of All Time, and I think after tens of ones of posts, its time for me to explain why this is by comparing it to your blog in the form of poetry.

Your blog is an insect,

my blogs a god.

My blog is concrete,

yours is made of mud (sod)

My writing is impeccable,

yours is peccable,

your blog is hella quiet,

mine is 86 decibels.

your blog is about how you suck,

and you forgot how to shower.

Your mom reads my blog,

for like fucking six hours.

my blogs fillet min Yong,

your blog is creamed corn.

Best thing on the internet.

even better than porn.

my blog is insightful,

philisophoc like plato,

your blog gets less views

than dennis rodman with a dildo.

so take that to your grave,

not 2 fucks i gave,

take some ecstasy,

and my blogs like a rave. (only better)

My blogs the kind of shit,

that influences local news,

your blogs the kind of shit,

that doesn't get hella views (hits)

So i'm gonna weave this shit,

like a spider's spinneret,

now go and take your weak ass shit,

straight off the internet.

(applause)

You're probably thinking to yourself right now, "wow, this shit really is that good, how can I write like you? The way you make fun of fat people and talk about how you don't like anything is great, and how the only things you like are only a result of your dislike for something else, brilliant!" Well to answer that as accurately as possible, you can't. You'll keep writing the same shit people like me were writing years ago while my blog gets more hits than google, or a lindsay lohan sex tape.

In 100 years, philosophy teachers will have to skip right over Plato and Aristotle and all those primitive figures and skip straight ahead to the real hella enlightened shit that I write. Technically this isn't even a blog, its a collection of observational humor articles. I'd have my own website, I just don't know how to code HTML or buy domain names, because that shits for like, hella nerds.. A "blog" can best be exemplified in the following parody.

Mood: Apathetic. Date 4/20/69 lol

Hey guys, lol, So basically my day was like, I dont know, okayyyy.... lol I woke up at around seven thirty and realized how miserable my life was because my black rimmed glasses broke the night before lol, but then i saw my cat and i petted it so it was cool lol. then i had breakfast and my mom was like, "did you do your homework?" and i was like "yes". My mom is always on my about my homework lol. Then i went outside and went to tie my shoe when I realized I hadn't put my shoes on, How embarrassing!!! lol. so anyway, lol, the bus came at its usual time (7:56) ROFL and when i got on my friend tim sat next to me and we traded pogs until we got to school haha. I went to my first class and my teacher lol asked for our homework, but then I realized I had left it on the kitchen table LMAO! What's ironic is that it was the very homework my mom had asked me about. |

Yeah, that's basically 98 percent of the garbage out there on this website, and its shit like this that makes it so people don't take bloggers seriously. In the mainstream, it is assumed that anyone who blogs is a 14 year old girl with Alzheimers.

This blog was published unedited for ironic purposes.