Ke$ha, because the s is like, a dollar sign!!!

Kesha, aka Ke$ha, aka Courtney Love II, is who every young, impressionable woman dreams about being while applying scented lotion and binge drinking 4 Loko. She is everything they love, and everything normal people enjoy hating. In fact, I don't even hate people like her anymore, I've finally learned to accept these people and have come to terms that alcoholic, promiscuous blonde women are more idolized today than any scientist, doctor, or Nobel Prize winning black president.

Upon listening to the "lyrics" in ke$ha's "songs", I have determined the following things about her lifestyle.

• Ke$ha is wasted like, all the fucking time. She has more blackouts than California when Enron was still in business.
• She somehow brushes her teeth with whiskey (not recommended by dentists) and is not coming back.
• Ke$ha is a huge slut, (just listen to her voice, you can tell) and only bangs dudes who look like Mick Jagger.

Also required: Swagger.

Its kind of fitting, because in his glory days Mick Jagger was also a huge drunk slut most of the time. Only difference here is that Mick Jagger is a musician, and Ke$ha is a drunk slut all the time. Ke$ha is only famous because marketing executives decided they needed a Paris Hilton who could sing. Had it not been her, the job would have gone to the next drunk blonde slut. Boom, I just summed up Ke$ha's entire existence in three words.