Terminator Salvation Vs. Night at the Museum 2

In case you haven't noticed yet, the highly anticipated Terminator: Salvation was somehow not number 1 in the box office this weekend. You're probably asking yourself, "what movie could have possibly been better than Christian Bale fighting a bunch of super cool robots?" The answer: Ben Stiller in Night at the Museum 2. Here's a brief run down on why Terminator Salvation is better than Night at the Museum 2

• It doesn't have Ben Stiller in it
• It doesn't have Owen Wilson in it
• And it isn't about some museum where the exhibits come to life.

Have you heard about the staggering death toll Swine Flu has unleashed on America? (11) Well I think its God's way of punishing us for watching bad movies like Museum.
Some people hypothesize that one day machines will have the intelligence to exist and think autonomously (that means they can do whatever they want, retard) and take over the world in a storm of death and chaos. And I think that if that does happen the machines will spare those who saw Salvation and will turn Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson fans into their pets.


Jig Tough

You're All Pirates. Each and Everyone of You

The very moral fabric of this country is becoming more and more frayed every time one of you heathens downloads a song off of lime wire, an entire album through bit torrenting, or when you listen to a song on the radio and change the station when the commercials come on.
What many of you seem to have forgotten is the only reason anyone makes music is so that they can make money. Without illegal downloading the visionary musician "soulja boy" would be worth over 20 million dollars. Thanks to all of you fools who were unwilling to pay the 99 cent fee on iTunes, he is now worth a mere 9million. This means it is hard for him to;

• own and maintain a private boeing 747
• bribe congress and the house of representatives
  
• become a dictator of a small African country and siphon off half of their GDP

SHAME ON ALL OF YOU MOTHER FUCKERS
What purpose is there to create art if there is no promise of disproportionate amounts of wealth? Art is not something you do on your spare time as a means of expressing yourself. It is strictly for making people give you money, and (america is doing this quite well) promoting an overmaterialistic, egocentric society. I propose that every person be required to pay a monthly fee for things like the radio, myspace music, and free music websites like playlist.com It is shameful that there are artists right now who's music is being listened to absolutely free of charge. "Free" sounds a lot to me like socialism. You're not a socialist, are you?

So Much for my Goal to lose 200 Lbs by June

I AM SO FUCKING GLAD we live in a country where the government tells us what we can and can't put into our bodies. Why the hell would I want to think and make decisions for myself anyway, when I can just elect people like George Bush and Barack Obama to do it for me?
The dietary supplement has come under attack again by the F.D.A., aka the F.ucking D.umb A.sses. Apparently, because maybe 2 people died while taking the popular fat burn supplement Hydroxycut Harcore they decided to ban its manufacture and sale. Here's a fact that I guess the FDA doesn't understand. When 107 people in the world die every minute (more than all of the rambos combined) statistically 2 of those people are going to be using Hydroxycut within a period of a few years.
Keep in mind this is the same FDA that has released frequent reports on the obesity epidemic. So if we can't take pills that rapidly burn calories at dangerous rates and give us gratuitous amounts of energy, how in God's name are we supposed to stay in shape? Diet and exercise? In the words of Alexander the Great, "Fuck that shit"
9 million people have taken Hydroxycut. So far, two of them have died. Its a good thing we no longer have to worry about that dangerous drug that kills .000000022% of people who take it. And yes that was a valid calculation
Thankfully, because or country's willfully vague supplement laws, all they have to do is make a product thats only chemically different by a few micrograms of some inactive ingredient, and give it a different name. Probably something like "NITROXOLOSS XTREME!"

Nitroxoloss Xtreme is a copyright of Alex Waterman enterprise and copying of said name is in violation of U.S. and Canada Laws, the constitution, and the Geneva Conventions.

I Didn't Know you Could Use Your Hands in Soccer

Apparently, according to that Norwegian fuck Tom Overbo, when a player takes a shot on goal during a soccer match, or when the ball is in the air, a defender is allowed to use his hands to maintain control of the ball. This is contrary to the popular myth that touching the ball with your hand while in the penalty box results in the taking of a penalty shot. Thankfully, Overbo put this myth to rest not once, but twice in the UEFA cup semifinal between Barcelona and Chelsea.
The game resulted in a 1-1 tie, and thankfully because of UEFAs bullshit rule that actually DOES exist, Barcelona will be going to the final round. The bullshit rule you ask? In the event of a tie in aggregate scoring, the result goes to the team with more away goals. This rule exists because everyone knows that playing soccer on a field that isn't in your own city is substantially different, and scoring is astronomically more difficult.
In conclusion, fuck the away goals rule, fuck Tom Overbo, and most importantly FUCK BARCELONA. Manchester United is going to make each and everyone of you wish you were dead. And Tom Overbo, you better watch your back. Drogba is coming for your bald head.

Why the Space Needle is the Stupedist Fucking Thing Ever Built

First of all, let me tell you why I hate the fucking space needle.

• Its fucking small as hell. The only reason it looks big, is because it is so far away from Seattles skyline, therefor it appears bigger than it really is.
• Second of all, it is frequently referenced on the hit sitcom frasier and that show is a piece of shit.
• Third of all, it was built in the 1930s, and we all know about the 1930s

The space needle is not tall at all, not even a fifth of a mile high. it is nothing to be impressed by, it was built in 1962. Its like being impressed by the titanic; so what if it was the biggest cruise ship of its time, it crashed into an iceberg and most of the poor people on the ship died as a result.
Second of all, the space needle is the only reason Seattle is famous. If it werent for the space needle, seatlle would just be another west coast hippie town that no one gave a fuck about, AKA portland.
Three people have committed suicide from the space needle's observation deck in the 1970s. If it weren't for the space needle, three people would not have committed suicide.
If this blog isnt enough to make you hate the space needle, i dont know what is.


jig tough.