Communism in Modern America

Just when I thought we had defeated communism when we whooped Vietnam's ass and knocked down the Munich Wall, it has been made aware that communism is rearing its ugly head, right hear in the United Americas. The culprit; none other than mid-tier sit down restaurant; RED Robin. (I highlighted the word 'red' to draw attention to the fact that red, is indeed the color of communism.)

I recently meant someone who works as a waiter for this openly fascist regime. I asked how the tips are, and she told me, "well, they're usually OK because at the end of the night the managers take everyone's tips and divide them amongst all of us equally." Upon hearing this my face went grim and pale. Images of previous fascists such as Richard Stalin and John Lennon perverted my thoughts. All I could think of was how awful it must be for competent, attentive waiters who refill your drink correctly before you're even finished, making the same amount in tips as the ass hole who screws your order up and asks you retarded questions such as how you'd like your chicken cooked.

"Here's your salad sir"

Listen up RED Robin; this is America, and in America we aren't communists. We're Americans.