4 Loko. Bitch Beer? More like Whore Fuel.

Have you ever been at a party and noticed a college-age woman who is just way too energetic for how intoxicated she is? Unless she's been having rum and "coke" all night, there's a high probability that she's been drinking 09/10's favorite fuck-you-up-quick-for-like-2-dollars beverage of choice known as 4 Loko. Or as I like to call it; whore loko. See what I did there? Let it be known that I came up with that brilliant pun and that no one has ever thought of it before I have.

Four Loko is a 12% alcohol energy drink that's main ingredients consist of malt liquor, pure caffeine, artificial fruit flavoring, and an as of yet unidentified substance that chemically transforms even the most polite and subdued women into loud sluts. Here is how a typical night goes for a group of broke 19 year old girls who are trying to get FUKTUP.

Sarah: Oh my god you guys, my older cousin just bought us some 4 loko! Lets go to Tim's party tonight and drink them!

Jessica: Woohoo! alright! I love that drink, even if it tastes like a melted lolly pop.

Carla: Yay!

Two weeks later

Sarah: Oh no, now we're all pregnant now and have A.I.D.S.! BOO!

Jessica: Aww shit!

Carla: What an unfavorable turn of events!

Tim: HAHA! I gave you all A.I.D.S!

4 Loko isn't just for women though, as many men who enjoy the energetic buzz of Jager Bombs but lack the funds necessary will find that 4 loko is a more than suitable replacement. Only two cans of this will put an average male's BAC in the .13-.15 range which is about as drunk as you should want to be unless you don't like remembering the terrible things you do when you get that drunk.

Be warned however, you may black out despite feeling only mildly intoxicated. The crazy thing is that you don't even remember blacking out! The best way to see if you blacked out the previous night is to check your arms and legs for unexplainable bruises, your phone's call log to see how many people you drunk dialed, (if 911 was called you may have further problems) and America's Most Wanted to see if you murdered anyone last night. (Half of all murders are committed by a drunk person) Watch this video.