Jim Joyce Makes Helen Keller Look like a Perfectly Functioning Human Being

After blowing a call that Ray Charles could have made, Jim Joyce went on to say "No one feels worse about this than I do." You're right, no one could possibly feel worse. Not even Armando Galarrada, the guy you robbed of a perfect game. Galarraga was one routine play to first base away from becoming the 21st pitcher in the history of baseball to throw a perfect game, until 1st base umpire Jim Joyce called a runner to first 'safe' when he was out by more than a yard, which in baseball is the equivalent of several light years. There are three things that the MLB must now do to redeem themselves for this drastic error.

Let me first say that I don't give 3/4 of a fuck about baseball, and that I haven't watched a game in years, but I cannot remain silent about a player being denied such an honor by such an incapable moron. The use of instant replay to make correct calls has been implemented in many other sports over the years, but I have a theory as to why MLB umpires are against this so much; they are all old and there for hate technology. They couldn't figure out AOL in the late ninety's, so they'll be damned if they're going to bothered with learning video software.

Instant replay by itself wont completely solve the problem, as they'll be forced to use it far too often if people like Jim Joyce are allowed to keep their jobs. I don't care if Sports Illustrated called him the second greatest umpire of all time, or how many World Series games he's refed, he is obviously starting to lose his senses and basic cognitive functions and needs to be fired immediately, and banned from officiating baseball at any level, even charity softball events. My message to the MLB; you aren't Goodwill, stop employing the retarded.

Finally, and I cannot stress this enough, the MLB would be REMISS if they did not retroactively reverse the call and award the perfect game. The only people who are against this are other highly egotistical MLB umpires who think that their shitty calls are some how vital to maintaining the integrity of the game. Don Denkinger, another referee famous for missing obvious calls, has come to Joyce's defense claiming to "feel bad for him" and saying "you try making that call at full speed". Like I said earlier, Ray Charles could have made that call and he's blind. Reversing this call would not be controversial at all, it would simply be acknowledging what happened; Galarraga pitched the 21st perfect game in History.

In conclusion, if you see Jim Joyce in public, start chanting "Get a rope! Get a tree! HAAAANG that referee!" Hopefully this will be highly emotionally scarring for him and his family members, who deserve to suffer equally.